Three Kids No Nanny… And I’m a Dad
Trying to keep track of my own schedule is challenging enough, but three others. And at least knowing what my wife is up to. I definitely dropped the ball a few times along the way.
One time I got a call at 534pm from a number I did not recognize. Uh oh, this is definitely not good. At that moment I was at home after work snacking on something, surely a Canucks game on the TV. I’m wracking my brain trying to think what I might have forgotten but nothing comes to mind. After a few rings I shrug, accept my fate and answer the call.
It’s my 13yr old daughter. And her two soccer team mates. Gisela and Sophie(?). All three finished practice at 5. One of those dark November evenings when the sun went down at 2pm and its been pouring rain for 3 days already. They had cell phones back then. Or at least my child did. But didn’t have them with them at practice or the Battery died. This was clearly before Facebook for them, and definitely before Snap Chat.
Uh oh. They have hardly said hello and I’m reaching for the front door, checking to see if I have keys in my pocket while I wonder where the dog is. “I’m on my way. Almost there. Will arrive in 5 mins” I say confidently.
My wife catches up with me in the car. I can’t fake or bluff that one. She knows I’m in the car. Then I realize she thinks I already picked them up and I’m on my way home after dropping others off. She starts talking to the girls. I cut in abruptly to ask some other question. I get away with that but then cannot get off the phone without getting found out. At first she’s kind of half laughing then realizes how long the girls have been waiting. She’s like “Wait a minute, you haven’t even got them yet? They’re soaked and they’ve been waiting for how long?” In the immediate re-telling of the story it’s been an hour but was actually more like 45 min. The problem is, that’s a pathetically weak defense.
By highschool we were definitely known in the office as part of an elite group of parents who have actually left their kids unintentionally stranded somewhere at least once. Per child. Mixed in with many years of excessive requests to fetch and deliver needed items from gym shorts to calculators, lunch, cleats, a change of clothes, whatever – we had those few times when neither parent was available or on site at the moment we were needed. Or I was tasked with a pickup and totally forgot, like that soccer pickup. Back in that age of helicopter parenting that was about as close as “free range” kids ever got in our world.
Nowadays, with only one left in highschool I preach the gospel of independence. “Have your own source of income and transportation, and you will become independent.” Your parents certainly will. For clarity, it is not that I want to spend any less time with my wonderful kids, on the contrary I delight in the fact that we share so many interests we all like to spend time together. I just don’t want to be their maid, driver, butler, personal chef, valet and maintenance crew. All of the above and more. It appears to grate on some of my children at times, but that appears to be just when they find being independent an inconvenience.
In an effort to provide an incentive for our dependents to cease being so, I told my eldest who is away at university “When you start paying for things yourself, your parents will be willing to help out. But if you don’t have your own source of income to pay your expenses, we will contribute less”.
“That makes no sense” came the response. “Why would you pay more when I have a job? Just pay the same amount…” the argument trails off. Falls flat. The conversation lurches uncomfortably towards an argument.
I started to weave a loose analogy comparing financial dependence to something like an addiction.”Don’t allow yourself to be beholden in any way” I say. “You want to establish complete dominion over your own financial decisions. You wanna buy those shoes? Boots… Some other thing. Be in control of all that…” The disgruntled dependent remains unconvinced. Nearly combative. I might need to pick this call up sometime later so I decide to summarize my philosophy.
Be Independent
Have a Job, Have a Driver’s License
Have Your Own Source of Income
Plan Ahead
Stay Organized
This becomes a mantra repeated for its beneficiaries – delivered by one of its beneficiaries. No one knows yet if it’s working…
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