A parenting philosophy from a parent still figuring it all out
(See also “Happy to be Final Lasts”)
You can read books about it. Amazon will deliver one in an hour by drone; or at worst, in a day. Advice on parenting can be found everywhere. Sometimes it is hurled at you unwanted, but that is usually only when things have gone completely off the rails. Let’s be honest, every parent has definitely seen moments when they actually consider arresting a situation in a physical manner, just to end it. But you quickly realize it might be misunderstood “out of context”. Like when a normal person describes what you are doing in words and it sounds a little unhinged.
“I wasn’t ACTUALLY going to strangle you. I just felt like you weren’t getting my message and I needed to add some emphasis”.
At times one can become irrationally irritated by something one of your kids just did after you have told them a thousand times not to do. “Did you really just do that?” Or fail to do that?
The top selling books on parenting include some precious medicine for the struggling parent :
What to Expect When You’re Expecting – Everyone has heard of this one.
Siblings Without Rivalry – Seriously? Sign me up.
Unconditional Parenting – Uh, don’t tell the kids that or every threat I’ve ever leveled becomes meaningless.
Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids – This one comes with a monthly subscription… antidepressants.
Or, the Helicopter Parent’s No. 1 choice:
Raising an Adult – Break Free of the Over Parenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success. Really? “Break free” by putting more pressure on them…? And yeah, use of the singular “kid” because this is the over-wound, only-child, Dragon-Parent’s Bible.
Rounding out the top 10, I am a little concerned that it includes:
How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids, but I do sympathize.
From my perspective, I started out with a rather selfish plan: While the minions are young and impressionable, teach them to like all the things you like doing. Cooking, riding bikes, skiing, crosswords, your music, whatever YOU like to do. I have been playing my music in the background of the lives of my kids for years, mostly when they are not really paying attention. In fact, I invented the Baby-Man mashing up the classic Walkman – predecessor of the iPod with something that fed music to a baby in the womb. This involved a Sony Walkman attached to two speakers placed on my wife’s belly and held in place by a hand-sewn stretchy fabric. We played Glenn Gould and Fleetwood Mac while our kids were still in the womb. Probably more geeky than fanatic but hey, who’s going to tell you that was a bad idea.
Now that they are young adults, I am beginning to notice it pay off. Every once in a while when I pull some tune out of the archive they have enough familiarity with it they’re like “Hey, I know this song…”
And there’s me, in the background trying to play it cool but unable to wipe the grin off my face. I love it when a plan comes together, especially when it is 20 years in the making.
Sometimes it works. Not always. But when it does, its fabulous. A summer evening when everyone is at home and we are cooking up a feast, all having a good time. Or, as the kids get older, family holidays provide the backdrop for us all together doing the same things and remembering when we did them so many years before.
Those are the moments that keep us coming back for more…
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